Forbidden
by Courtney1990
Summary: "Jem pressed me up against the wall and planted kisses on my neck, nibbled my ear. I moaned. He had me now". I guess this is AU- with the non-canon ship and all. Starts off Pre - Clockwork Angel. Ship: Will/Jem  Willem? Is that its name? . Yes it's slash.
1. Chapter 1

IMPORTANT UPDATE!

Please click the video link on my profile or search Youtube for the video entitled 'Fanfiction Update #1 – Forbidden' on the channel courtneyhelen1990. I would put the link here but last time I tried to put links in a chapter it didn't work. It's just me letting you know what's going on with this fic and my writing in general. I don't know why I did the update as a video, I just felt like it haha.

Disclaimer: I do not own _Clockwork Angel_ by Cassandra Clare

I was walking down one of the Institute's many hallways when I heard it: the horrible sound of wet, wrenching coughs. Immediately, I started sprinting down the hall. I skidded to a stop outside Jem's bedroom door and fell to the ground, jarring my knee painfully against the hardwood floor.

'Fuck!'

Ignoring the tears that sprang to my eyes, I pushed the door open awkwardly with one hand. Struggling to get to my feet, I half staggered into the room.

Jem was in the middle of his bed, on his hands and knees. He was still coughing uncontrollably. Jem's hands, and the white bed sheet, were covered with splattered and smeared blood. His arms were shaking with the effort of holding himself up.

I ran across the room, the pain in my knee forgotten, and clambered onto the bed. Kneeling beside Jem, I put my arms around him, supporting his weight.

As I hugged him close, I murmured in his ear 'its okay, its okay.' The same words, over and over, until it became a litany, almost meaningless. I sounded clam, but inside, I was falling apart. Every time this happened, I was terrified. I was just _so scared_. Sick with despair that one of these times, Jem wouldn't recover. One of these times, he would die.

Slowly, Jem's coughing subsided. Relief flooded through me, and without warning, a choking sob escaped my lips. I hadn't even realised I was crying, the tears running silently down my cheeks. Jem sat up a little straighter and turned to look at me. His lips, stained with blood, looked shockingly red against his pale skin.

'Will, it's alright. I – I'm okay now.'

I struggled to pull myself together. I was supposed to be the one comforting him, for God's sake, not the other way around.

'Sorry.' My voice cracked. Annoyed with myself, I brushed my tears away and pulled out my folded handkerchief. I shook it out and shifted my position so I could cradle Jem's head in my lap. His eyes were closed as I gently wiped the blood from his lips and chin. Just as I finished unbuttoning his blood stained shirt, his eyes blinked open. Gingerly, Jem propped himself up onto his elbows and grinned sheepishly at me.

'I'll admit, I'm enjoying all the attention.' He blushed, and I was relieved to see the colour flood into his stark white cheeks.

'Well, make yourself useful and get off the damn bed!' I said playfully. I was sure that Jem would see through my fake smile at once. I was a mess. Painful images, products of my own imagination, flickered through my mind one after the other: Jem was lying dead in a pool of blood, faceless men were carrying a coffin, Jem was dying as a demon overcame him, I was kneeling at Jem's grave, I was kissing Jem-

I pinched my thigh, hard. Furious with myself, I quickly stripped the sheets off the bed, yanking hard at the material. I watched Jem wash his hands and splash water on his face using the jug and basin in the corner of the room. He rinsed his mouth, refilled the glass, and walked back across the room just as I balled up the dirty sheets and threw them in the corner. I crossed to the dresser, and was just stretching out a hand to open the top drawer when I felt Jem's hand close over mine.

'I'll get it.' He said quietly. Our hands parted, and I stepped back and took a deep breath. I tried to force myself not to think about what his touch had just done to me. Yet I couldn't help watching him as he carefully measured out the drug and stirred it into his glass of water. He'd discarded his shirt...

_Stop it_, I told myself. I wrenched my eyes away from Jem's toned body and decided I'd remake the bed. The problem was, this task only kept my hands busy, not my mind.

'Will?' Jem's voice cut through my illicit imaginings. I looked up. He was leaning against the dresser, still shirtless, sipping his drink. His silver-gray eyes found mine.

'D'you-' Jem broke off, staring down into his glass. His silvery blonde hair obscured his expression. 'D'you want to stay with me tonight?'

'Of course.' I often sat in the armchair next to Jem's bed when he was ill. Usually, I fell asleep there.

'I mean...' a pause. 'I know you always get a sore neck when you fall asleep in that chair, so you could always sleep in the bed if you like, there's plenty of room.' Jem said this all very fast, as if he was afraid he'd lose his nerve if he paused to draw breath.

I paused in the motion of tugging on a fresh pillowcase. My brain was telling me this wasn't a good idea, while my heart was leaping for joy.

'Forget it,' said Jem hastily. 'It's not like we're five years old or anything. It was a dumb idea.'

I held up a hand to stop him and smiled. 'No, it's a good idea.'

Review and tell me what you think! This will be a short fic, only about one or more two chapters I think.

Music I listened to while writing this: Justin Bieber


	2. Chapter 2

I do not own _Clockwork Angel _by Cassandra Clare

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Jem had passed out almost as soon as his head had hit the pillow. I took a little longer to fall asleep. I was flat on my back, staring at the ceiling when Jem rolled over in his sleep. His arm rested against mine, and his touch was electric. I tensed, thinking I would never be able to get to sleep now. However, as the minutes passed, I found myself feeling comfortable and safe with Jem at my side. Feeling… whole for the first time in a while, I let myself drift into an uneasy sleep.

Jem's movement in the bed woke me. I opened my eyes, and saw him sitting up in bed, clutching his knees up to his chest.

'Oh. You're awake.' he said, turning to look at me

I rubbed my eyes and, without sitting up, looked out the window – it was morning.

'Look,' said Jem. 'I'm just going to do this, and-'

The next thing I felt was Jem's lips on mine. I was in shock, and for a second I couldn't move. Then, without thinking, without even planning it, I responded to his kiss. I had never kissed anyone like this, but somehow my lips knew what to do. It felt like there was no one in the world besides us.

All of a sudden, the intoxicating fire caused by the kiss stopped – Jem had pulled away. I kept my eyes closed, putting my hand to my lips, not wanting to lose the memory. Unexpectedly, a flash or anger coursed through me.

'Why the hell did you stop?' I snapped, opening my eyes. I was still lying on the bed, flat on my back. Jem was kneeling on the bed, one leg either side of me.

The glimmer of hope that sprung to Jem's eyes at these words was dashed almost immediately by a look of anguish, as though he had mentally slapped himself. I knew the feeling. 'I'm sorry,' he said, looking horrified. 'I shouldn't have done that.'

I sat up and grabbed his arm. 'Jem – that, what just happened - did you mean it?'

He wouldn't meet my eyes. 'Yes.'

'Good, because I meant it too.' Jem looked up tentatively, and our eyes locked. Instinctively, I leaned forward and kissed him. It was more tender and slow than before, less fast and frenzied. The kiss could have lasted ten seconds, but it felt more like several hours. Finally, I sucked Jem's lower lip one last time and pecked him tenderly on the lips. I sat back on my heels and stared at him. Never in a million years would I have thought that Jem returned my feelings.

Jem flopped back down onto his pillow. 'Will, who are we kidding? We can't do this. I mean, it's illegal, isn't it?'

'I'm pretty sure taking drugs is illegal, too.' I pointed out. The words were hardly out of my mouth when I heard a knock at the door.

Jem started, then whispered 'Hide!'

I made for the wardrobe and shut the door behind me. I heard Jem open the door and greet Sophie, saying he'd be down for breakfast soon. He closed the door. I climbed out of the wardrobe sheepishly.

'You'd better get back to your room.' Jem said quietly, not meeting my eyes. I didn't need telling twice. Just before I opened the door, I stopped and turned around. 'Jem, I -' I hesitated. What was there to say?

'Just go Will.' I could tell he wanted to be alone. I left.

Thankfully, I met no one on the way back to my room. I stripped off Jem's pajamas and dressed quickly. Jem was so… hard to read sometimes. One minute he'd be an open book, the next, he'd retreat so far inside himself I couldn't reach him. I had no idea what to think now. I practically ran downstairs – half of me wanting to see Jem, the other half scared he'd still be closed off, impassive. I couldn't reach him then.

At breakfast, Jem smiled at me, like we were sharing a private joke – I guess we were, really. I was relieved and ecstatic that his walls were down again. I barely listened to any of the chatter around the table, until Charlotte called my name sharply.

'What?' I asked, pulling myself out of my reverie.

Charlotte looked irritated. 'I was just saying, since Jessamine and I are going shopping after breakfast, you and Jem can have the morning off studying.'

'Sounds good, thanks.' I went back to my breakfast, but not before I kicked Jem under the table. He blushed.

I followed Jem up to his room after breakfast.

'Look,' he said when I closed the door. 'I'm sorry about before-'

'No, I'm sorry, look if you don't want to do this, that's fine – well it's not fine, but-'

Jem had walked over and pressed a finger to my lips, silencing me. I melted at his touch. His eyes were such a mesmerising silver…

And then he was kissing me again. I'd reached him – we were seeing eye to eye. All my doubts faded away as I got caught up in devouring Jem – all of him. We were matching each other, making it hotter, faster than ever. Jem pressed me up against the wall and planted kisses on my neck, nibbled my ear. I moaned. He had me now; he'd knocked that last wall down and kicked it aside. There was no point trying to fight it, not when this felt so right.

* * *

Author's note time!

Firstly, thank you so much to Red-Cherry-Flowers and AuroralMemory for reviewing Chapter One! Your positive and helpful responses are helped me get this chapter finished quickly. And to anonymous reviewer Naty, I included the music because I think it's cool when fanfiction and published authors have playlists to go with stories and share what music inspired them. And on that note, here is the music for Chapter 2 – It's a little more varied than Chapter 1!

The two biggest songs for this chapter were Short Stack's 'Planets' .com/watch?v=Pckfw_8cEc4 and Miranda Cosgrove's 'Kissin U' .com/watch?v=FgUR6qDZCvE&ob=av2n Also (I listened to these probably about once each) the rest of Short Stack's songs, and most of Justin Bieber's songs. Yes, him again. And I really don't care if you don't like him, or the other artists I've listed here.

A note on how Will may seem out of character:

For one thing, this fic is in first person, Will's point of view, and Clockwork Angel is in third person, mostly Tessa's point of view. In writing this, I'm trying to get inside Will's head, and show a side of him we didn't really see all that much of in Clockwork Angel.

Let me know if you liked this chapter! Or if you didn't like it, whatever, just make it constructive criticism and not pointless flames. I think at this point the story has one or two chapters to go – let me know if you have a particular direction you'd like this story to take… you never know, it could inspire me to write a longer fic!


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